Communication is Key

Mercury has been retrograde (again) since August 20th and goes direct on September 12th. For those who aren’t familiar with a Mercury Retrograde, it’s an astrological term referring to when Mercury (the planet that rules communication, transfer of information and all things mechanical) looks as though it’s moving backwards because of the difference in orbit speeds of Mercury and Earth. It retrogrades three to four times a year, during which time you can bet that emails will be lost, you’ll have misunderstandings with your friends or loved ones, computers will crash, flat tires abound, appointments will be rescheduled and other general pains in the ass will occur.

On the other hand, there are some really great things that can happen during Mercury Retrograde periods. For instance, friends or family members from the past may come back into your life. You may finally find the time to clean the garage. You may finish that play that you started writing two years ago. You may even be able to find closure on a painful or challenging event that has been plaguing you for Godknowshowlong.

Those who follow astrology generally believe that the Universe wants the best for us and that every moment of joy and pain happens for a specific reason, pushing us to evolve and change as individuals and as a species. Therefore, it’s generally agreed that even the most difficult periods of our lives are there to move us forward in our journey towards completing our Life's purpose.

This particular MercRetro started with a bang and hit me and those around me pretty hard. Everything was going haywire, confusion was in the air, and I really just didn’t have the energy to deal with it all. I truly wanted to hop in the car and drive away... but, knowing MercRetro, my car would've broken down in the middle of nowhere. However, now that we are approaching the end, I am looking back over the last three weeks and realizing how much I have learned about communication; how I communicate, how others communicate, and the nature of communication in general.

The main thing I learned is this: We are all entirely responsible for what we say and for the information that we use to inform what we say.

Examples of mass communication events that have occurred during this MercRetro:
- Glenn Beck’s August 28th rally in DC: Confusion abounds regarding the actual number of attendees.
- The Vanity Fair expose on Sarah Palin: Both sides accuse the other of creating false information in the story.
- The international uproar regarding Pastor Terry Jones’ promise to burn Qurans on 9/11.
- BP comes forth with information on who is “really” to blame for the oil spill in the Gulf.

All of these news stories ask the same question: How do we accurately communicate the information we receive and what are the consequences of doing so?

For example, the pastor who wants to burn the Quran has become an international news story. What is the effect of this information on the world? Making it a top news story certainly does bring it to our nation’s attention and confronts us with the Islamic hatred that seems to permeate our national conversation lately (burning mosques in Tennessee, protesting the Islamic community center near Ground Zero). This could be a good thing in the fact that it makes us examine our fear of the Other as a country.

However, it could be a bad thing because the behavior of a few citizens can affect the image of the millions who do not share their beliefs and could further damage the efforts of many trying to mend the strained relationship between America and the Islamic world. The information is there, right in our faces- but what do we do with it?

I have faced this question on a smaller level, as well. A number of happenings in the recent weeks has forced me to learn to communicate in a clear and professional manner while keeping my usually effusive emotions at bay. The result has been very gratifying- I see calm examinations of conflicts and misunderstandings starting to occur where there would normally be tense disagreements and possible emotional outbursts. I see decisions and agreements be made within a group while making my individual boundaries and standards known. I am growing more confident with every exchange and have learned that, by taking the extra time to ask questions and examine the information at hand before acting on my initial responses, I am avoiding much of the confusion and misunderstandings that normally follow me through a retrograde period.

So, I have found the silver lining in an otherwise cloudy time. What about you? How have your efforts in communication been affected by Mercury Retrograde? I’m curious. Comment or email me with thoughts... and hang in there.

Shoot, I missed July!

I didn't post an update in July, which should be an indication of the busy-ness factor of my life last month. I'll try to catch you all up.

Some of you may know by now that I follow astrological happenings on our little planet and have a special fascination with eclipses. We had a lunar eclipse (endings and emotional catharsis) at the end of June and a solar eclipse (beginnings and an influx of energy) in the beginning of July.

My June eclipse turned out to be a lot more stressful than I let myself believe. Hubby was going through the wringer at work, parental units were struggling with health and financial issues and I, being the emotional sponge that I am, soaked up the general chaos of the world around me and, in turn, threw my body into a total imbalance. I was in varying states of illness for almost 6 weeks.

It was a big wake-up call. Neither my doctor nor I could figure out exactly what was wrong with me, but it definitely seemed stress related. I am notorious for pushing myself to the limit and ignoring my (very sensitive) body and soul's health. This was the last straw that I needed to make myself take a step back and examine how I prioritize my life. Looking at it all, I realized my astrologer was right- too often, I sacrifice my own well being for what I perceive to be the good of my family and community. Oddly enough, I always forget that when I don't put my essential needs first, I end up making myself sick and unhappy and then everyone loses.

When the July eclipse rolled in, everything had begun to change. My parents' situation was looking up, I was starting to see how my hubby's work issues were actually great opportunities for him to improve his business overall (I think he's finally starting to agree with me), and I had started taking dance classes, eating better and doing other generally healthy and stress-reducing things.

My parents and grandfather came to visit shortly thereafter. It was great having them here, showing them my life and this city and getting a chance to just spend time with them on my own turf. It was also great to talk to them face-to-face about my life and my future. One thing that I have always valued about my parents is their unwavering and non-judgmental support of my talents and ambitions and also their wonderful ability to be sounding boards for my plans. After months of uncertainty and waiting, I felt like I could finally see the realistic path for my future and could move forward (us Capricorns love our "plans").

So I have started manifesting and opening myself up to the possibilities of my future. Instead of waiting for others to take charge, I am moving forward with my own agenda and it feels fantastic.

Up next, we have a grand cardinal cross in the sky- I won't go into details about what that is, it's complicated and won't mean a whole lot to you unless you follow astrology as well. Basically, there are going to be some major shifts and changes for all of us in one extreme or another. Whatever is strong and good in your life will get better; whatever needs work or is no longer valuable in your life will bring a forced ending and/or improvement. So far, I'm feeling positive about how the cross will effect me and am trying to use this energy to the fullest.

Positive message from planetary craziness: Even a difficult situation can bring positive results because it shakes us out of complacency and forces us to change and evolve.

I'll post again soon to let you all know how things have progressed and I'd love to hear your stories of how the last two months have effected your lives! Please send me (and each other) positive thoughts!

I’m an A**hole.

Seriously, how many wedding-related stories do I now have that could be prefaced by that phrase? (That was a rhetorical question, I don’t need comments from my smart-ass college friends attempting an actual answer.)

Two of my friends got married this weekend at a quaint and rustic island in the Puget Sound. Me, Hubby and a large group of good friends stayed at a great “resort” right on the beach, my husband and I stayed in a yurt - yes, a yurt- and the sun made a short appearance that was just long enough to give us all mild sunburns. It was shaping up to be a good weekend.

Before I go much further, I guess I should explain that Hubby and I have been very much in need of some time away. He’s been traveling and working constantly for the last few months and I have been crazy trying to juggle the multiple projects in my life as well. Add in the fact that we are having a typical “Juneuary” here in Seattle with barely a sunbeam to spare, and you’ve got a pretty desperate need to relax and have fun in the sun.

And, thus far, it was quite promising that this would be just what we needed. We were stoked.
The ceremony was beautiful. Beautiful bride, beautiful music, beautiful vows, beautiful setting… really just lovely. Since I am such a sucker for a good wedding, I shed a few tender tears and reminisced with Hubby about our own wedding while joking with friends and looking great in my new dress.

Then it was off to the reception. And that’s where it began.

Dinner consisted of Mexican fare from a taco truck that the bride and groom had rented and a piece of cake. I had already had some of Hubby’s vodka/cranberry cocktail and a glass of red wine before the wedding. I was trying to be a good girl so I also had a bottle of water. However, when a friend stopped me and offered Jameson on the rocks (my fave), I couldn’t say no, even though my instincts were telling me that this could be a bad idea. One heavy pour later, I went back to the reception where they had- surprise!- champagne. So, like any good wedding guest, I toasted the newly anointed couple.

Next came the margaritas which I don’t really even remember getting, but apparently drank. And then… duh,duh,DUH… the hot tub.

Now, I knew getting into this weekend that I would need to curtail my drinking if I was going to get in the hot tub. Unfortunately, by that point, I had lost track of how many drinks I had already consumed and felt “sober” enough (which should have been my first clue that I certainly was NOT), and so in I jumped. I honestly have no idea how long I was in there because I can’t remember the last part of the evening except that I remember hitting the dance floor in my bikini. Hey, at least I left the hot tub before people started stripping down – that would have just been the icing on my cake of embarrassment.

I woke the next morning with ONE OF THE WORST HANGOVERS I HAVE EVER HAD. Just getting from the yurt to the bathrooms was a serious effort. Of course, I had no one to blame but myself, which made me feel even worse. Hubby packed us up while I stayed in bed, hating life and all things bright and sunny, and then moved me to the car where I promptly passed out in the front seat. He then said all of the necessary goodbye’s for us both and drove me the 90 minutes home so that I could move to the couch where I remained for the rest of the day, living on Ensure and Saltines.

Even though I pretty much wanted to die for most of the day, there are some very good things that came out of this experience:

1. This is the first of five weddings that I am scheduled to attend between now and October. Two of them require me to fly on an airplane the day after the wedding. Had this same situation happened at either of those two events, there is NO WAY that I could’ve made the trek from the wedding location to the airport and then flown back to Seattle. NO WAY. I consider this experience as a gift from the Universe to help me remember that free booze does not mean an open invitation to drink like a 21 year old. My liver does not function at that capacity anymore.

2. This was a great test for my husband to see how well he can handle taking care of me when I am “indisposed” (as we Southern women say). Hubby was a champ! He never complained, did whatever he could to make me more comfortable, and didn’t leave my side unless he was at the store buying me Saltines. A+, buddy. Now, just wait ‘til I’m pregnant and you can have A LOT more practice.

3. I’m sure this will make for yet another endearingly funny story that my friends can tell over and over again at my expense. I mean, seriously, it’s not a successful wedding unless somebody get’s schnockered out of their mind. You’re welcome.

As I said, one down, four more to go. I’ll let you know what happens.

I am not a drunk, I'm health-conscious!

Ugh, I am a sneezy, snotty, itchy mess. Claritin, take me away. Yes, I love the sunnier days (although they are a bit few and far between here in Sea-Town) and I love the flowers and birds chirping and all that, but can't God let us have ONE damn thing we enjoy that is completely, 100% without any negative side effects?

I mean think about it: Tasty Food = high calories/fat/salt/etc.; Nice Clothes = not being able to pay rent that month; Vacations = not being able to pay rent that YEAR; Sex = STDs, unwanted pregnancy, awkward morning after, and if you're Catholic, then don'tevengetmestarted.

That being said, I have high hopes for one thing: Drinking! Yes, according to a study on NPR, low-to-moderate alcohol consumption may actually make you healthier! This gives new credence to the old adage that beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Yes, the article does clarify that the study in question has no concrete proof that it is actually the alcohol that helps maintain good health, but a girl can dream, can't she? And, sure alcohol consumption can lead to numerous non-healthy activities (like consuming massive amounts of Tasty Food or having Sex - see above), but we're talking about LOW-TO-MODERATE consumption, which doesn't always inhibit one's level of judgment quite that severely.

And, okay, there's the whole Alcoholism thing. That kinda sucks. Ummm... not much to say about that.

My argument is starting to fall apart here. Let's move on.

In other news, NPR has also posted an article about the creation of the first synthetic genes to be combined with the DNA of a living cell. Joy. Reeeeeeeeeally freakin' thrilled about this one.

Now, I am all for stem cell research. I totally support gene therapy when safe and ethical for all involved. But this freaks me out. An actual quote from the scientist (a "Dr. Ventor", which sounds like the name of an evil scientist from a bad 1950's B sci-fi flick) who is responsible for this discovery: "We decided that by writing new biological software and creating new species, we could create new species to do what we want them to do, not what they evolved to do."

Yeah, 'cause, you know, who needs evolution, right?

Admittedly, I don't know much about science. I'm an actress, remember? But I DO know that Mother Nature usually has a pretty good idea of what works and what doesn't- and besides, no matter how hard we try to get around Her, She always seems to have the final say. To try and bypass evolutionary progress by creating new species screams of something straight from 28 Days Later or the new horror flick starring eyebrow-actor extraordinaire, Adrien Brody, called Splice. Or even the concept behind the grossy-gross-grossness of The Human Centipede (I'm not even gonna honor it with a link), which has nothing to do with actual genetic mutations, it's just gross and I can't seem to get the damn plot out of my over-active imagination.

Ahem.

So my issue is really that this is the kind of End of Days shit that could fall into the wrong hands and become a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Eventually. Right now, it's just some benign bacteria being grown in a lab. To give Ventor his credit, he's interested in turning this discovery into an avenue to solve the fuel crisis and create new vaccines. If that's possible without turning us all into flesh-eating zombies, then I'm all for it. Until that time, I'm a little freaked out (and I apparently need to stop watching horror flicks).

So, what to say that is positive about all of this?

1. Allergies go away when autumn arrives... until that time, I should stop and smell the roses. *achoo!*
2. 1 to 3 glasses of wine a day may be good for you... or maybe 4 or 5, if they're "small" glasses.
3. We might have found a way to solve the fuel crisis and stop diseases... if it doesn't kill us all in the interim.

Hey, as the Python Boys say, "Always look on the bright side of Life". *whistle*

Long time, no Blog...

Wow. It's been a while. Sorry about that.

I've been uber-busy opening my current show with my amazing theatre company, but alas, between the show and work, I have had little time to do anything else. That's means no blogging, no hanging out with friends, not eating or sleeping... ya know, the expendable things. Although I try not to get too personal with bloggy stuff, I feel it's time for a personal check-in.

Since I moved to Seattle, I get really antsy about this time every year. It's nearing the end of April and the sun is still that elusive little dot behind the clouds/rain that pokes its head out at random times on random days and then goes back into hiding. The worst part of it is that we are prone to having lovely sunny days for about two weeks in March and then it turns back into the 50 degree gray days that we are so used to in the Northwest. It's like a little sun-tease that gives you hope that we are almost to summer but makes the disappearance of that hope much more intolerable.

It's at this time of the year that my already very low threshold of patience gets even lower. Maybe it's because I'm Southern so my body is genetically pre-dispositioned to crave almost constant sunshine throughout the year. Or maybe it's because EVERYONE living in Seattle gets impatient as well and therefore I am not alone- I am living in a city full of depressed, impatient urbanites whose only saving grace is the cup of organic, fair-trade coffee in their hand and is the occasional five-minute sunbreak. Is this what London is like?

Maybe it's the weather or maybe it's Mercury in retrograde, but people are being pretty intolerable lately. The other day, I was almost accosted by a guy in a huge tow truck (the kind that tows buses or multiple cars) because he tried to change lanes on top of me and I wouldn't let him. What did he expect me to do, merge into oncoming traffic?? He pulled up next to me at the traffic light, leaned on his (extremely loud) horn, rolled down his window and yelled, "Thanks for letting me change lanes, bitch. Didn't you see my blinker?" To which I replied that, because my car was slightly behind the cab of his HUGE ASS TOW TRUCK when he supposedly turned on said blinker, there was no possible way for me to see it and that maybe he should take another look at how long his vehicle actually is before attempting to force other cars off the road in an apparent attempt to "change lanes".

Then I've been treated like an imbecile all week with a certain project because the directions that my supervisor gave me for a specific task were incorrect. He went on to give me the third degree about how I was updating information in the database, as if I was doing something illegal or that I was just stupid... to which I *politely* forwarded him the email he sent me a couple weeks earlier that dictated exactly how I should be handling this specific situation, thus proving that I was doing exactly what he instructed me to do. He was pretty quiet after that.

Yup, I could use a little sunshine right now.

But, oddly enough, it's times like these (when I am forced to take a deep breath and count to ten) that I am most grateful for my life. I think it's just my mind's way of trying to maintain sanity in the midst of constant frustration. People may be acting like escapees from the psychiatric ward, but it sure makes you feel better knowing that you're not that crazy!

For example: Last week, I was waiting for the bus on a normal Friday afternoon. There was friendly and incredibly inebriated old man sitting near me, sipping from a gallon (yes, a GALLON) of whiskey and asking every passer-by if they had a cigarette while coughing one of the most horrendous coughs that I have ever heard. At one point, a gentleman next to him offered him a cigarette if he could have the bottle of whiskey, to which the drunk agreed, thinking that this gentleman was going to take a sip and return the bottle. I watched in comic horror as the gentleman then refused to give the bottle back because the drunk obviously didn't need any more and had had too much already. Drunky didn't take too kindly to that. But, this being Seattle, there was no physical altercation and eventually Drunky got his bottle back and his cigarette. Merry Christmas.

About 5 minutes later (shouldn't my bus be here by now??), a woman blatantly jay-walked across the street in front of oncoming traffic and then yelled at the honking drivers that they should "learn how to f--king drive!" She then yelled at the shocked onlookers at the bus stop, "What, y'all like to stare at light-skinned black women? Cause that's what I am!" An interesting response to say the least.

Angry then walked past Drunky to take a seat and Drunky, in what I believe was a sincere attempt to connect with Angry, said, "It's okay, Sister, it's all good." (Note to the reader: Drunky is white). To which Angry replied, "I'm not your sister, I'm BLACK and you're WHITE. I may be light-skinned, but I'm still BLACK so I can't be your sister."

And thus began the ballad of Angry and Drunky.

I spent the next 10 minutes (where the HELL is my bus???) watching them banter back and forth. Expletives were exchanged as were racial epitaphs- apparently Angry has a SERIOUS hang up about being "light-skinned" as she repeated the fact over and over again- and sexist statements on both sides abound until both had run out of energy and sat in quiet contempt that was occasionally punctuated by a soft, "f--k you" as they waited for their bus. I assume. Or maybe they were just hanging out.

Now, I am not one to laugh at others' misfortune, but by this time, I was laughing hysterically under my scarf and trying not to let them see my response for fear of getting my ass beat down by one or both of them. However, I couldn't help it... it was just too surreal. What is the likelihood of seeing such an exchange of crazy at a bus stop in Queen Anne (a wealthy part of Seattle) at 5PM on a Friday? It was one instance in which a miscommunication and acute overreaction had actually made me laugh.

Ah, Mercury, you are a fickle bastard.

It all brings to mind the belief that bad times in life actually help you enjoy to good times even more than you normally would because you are more likely to appreciate the good times when they appear. Think about it: How many people do you know in your life that have never experienced tragedy or have always had things "handed" to them? Are they happy people? Do they truly appreciate all the good things that they have? Most of the ones that I know surely do not. In fact, some of the most unhappy people I know are the ones that equate real sorrow with not getting a car for their birthday or having to wait in line at the post office.

So, it's times like these that I force myself to step back and say "Thank You" to the gods for my life. Thank you for a good job that pays me enough to live on. Thank you for a wonderful theatre company filled with amazing artists and people. Thank you for good friends who support me and make me smile. Thank you for a fantastic husband that inspires me and loves me unconditionally. Thank you for my family who is a constant source of love.

And thank you for occasional sunbreaks and the promise of impending summer.

This one is always the most challenging...

Ugh. What a week.

First off, there has been an absolute plague running through the cast over the last couple of weeks that has made progress very difficult. Luckily, we’ve been able to stay (mostly) on schedule but the overall energy has been frustrating. I came down with it last week and spent 5 days on the couch with Congestion and Fatigue as my steady companions. I hate those guys.

Then, after a trip to ye ole doctor, I finally gave in and agreed to go on the prescription thyroid meds since the natural stuff wasn’t helping my under-functioning gland. Possible side effects of said prescription? Heart palpitations, hair loss, anxiety and trouble sleeping… which sound worse than the symptoms I’ve been having without the meds.

Worst of all, it seems there’s been a recent rash of health problems and deaths amongst my friends, loved ones and their pets. No fun.

This is only my third post and I am already being very challenged to find positivity in all this. Buuuuut, here I go:

The Plague:
Sickness is usually a sign that we are not getting enough rest or taking care of ourselves. Although I hate getting sick, I value the reminder that I am human and not invincible. It can be humbling in a good way.

Also, I really needed some time spent at home. I’m at rehearsal every night and was starting to go crazy at work. Even though I worked from home for part of the time I was sick, I’d rather work on my couch in comfy clothes snuggling with my dog than be at the office (which is actually a cramped, cold basement with a utility sink, a micro-fridge and a microwave that’s older than I am).

Thyroid Troubles:
Although thyroid issues are no fun in any way, it was interesting to find out that extreme levels of stress make a thyroid condition worse since it is directly linked to your adrenal glands… which explains why I had weight gain, depression and skin problems in grad school and had started losing my hair. At least I know now that it wasn’t just part of “aging” (which is also not that fun).

On the bright side, maybe these meds will work without the side effects. Most of friends who take the same prescription- surprisingly, there are quite a few- said they had no problems. Maybe I’ll wake up in a month and suddenly have energy and clear skin without any chest pains or nervous breakdowns. Let’s hope, shall we?

Loss/Health issues of Loved Ones:
Now this is the thing that always gets me. How do you find warmth in such a cold subject?

Whenever I get faced with these issues, I always return to my experience in 2007. That was the year my mother became ill and I was engulfed in fear and anxiety. There was the fear of losing one of the people I loved most on this planet and then there was an even larger fear- the fear that I could lose any and everything at a moment’s notice.

On a logical level, I’ve always known this. But emotionally accepting it was a different story. When Hubby and I were arguing over his smoking before we got married, his response was always, “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so why bother to stop smoking?” To which I would respond, “Do you look both ways before you cross the street to avoid being hit by that bus? THAT’S why you should stop smoking.”

But he’s right. We never know what will happen to us on any given day.

Take the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile for example. Yes, being prepared by building quake-proof structures in a quake-prone area is a good idea. But when the Big One hits, there won’t a whole lot that anyone can do except kiss your butt goodbye.

So when Mama got sick, it was a sudden and stark reminder that I had no control over most of the shit that was going to happen to me or the people I cared about on any given day. For a control freak such as myself, this was a super scary fact to face.

However, over the months and weeks that we spent taking care of her and helping her get back to the land of the living, I saw some amazing things. I saw my parents communicate in ways I had never seen growing up. I saw them both realize each other’s worth and value more than they ever had, now faced with very different roles. I saw that Life had put both my parents and myself in a situation in which we were forced to reevaluate who we were as a family and as individuals. And I also saw our priorities shift away from sweating the “small stuff” into a larger view of what was real and important.

Maybe most of all, I really understood the power of reaching out for help. I literally emailed every person in my contact list and asked them to pray for my mother. The responses I received were amazing. People I hadn’t spoken to in years wrote me long letters of support and love; some had experienced similar situations and spoke about their journeys, some remembered meeting my mom once and sent their love, some just sent me a “chin up” email. I read every email and saved them. I’m not sure why, exactly. Maybe I just knew I’d need them some day or maybe just having them on file made me feel better.

My friends had houses of worship in literally every religion all over the country praying for Mama. She told me about a vision she had during chemo one day that she was drowning in an ocean and all of the sudden, a huge wave lifted her up to safety. She said she knew that wave was the prayers of all the people who were supporting us.

Some people probably found my openness about my mother’s illness to be “tacky” or TMI. I really couldn’t care less. It was an amazing journey for all of us and, while I don’t pretend that every case of serious illness is inspiring or remotely enjoyable, I value that experience of opening up to the other souls around me and receiving such love and generosity in return.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that, even in moments of extreme sorrow there is always something there that we can take away with us. Maybe it’s a sweet memory from the past or maybe a lesson we won’t realize until many years later. As schmaltzy as it sounds, sometimes tragedy can really make us appreciate our celebrations more than we would have ever expected.

Challenge: Conquered.

Making artistic lemonade

WTF is going on lately in our lovely little planet? Earthquakes and tsunamis and Health Care Bills, oh my! Not to mention that theatre, MFA programs and other arts institutions all over the country are being cut, put on hold or completely closed. Maybe that doesn't alarm everyone, but it certainly scares the bejezus out of me.

The National Theatre Conservatory is closing it's doors in 2012.

Washington State University is phasing its theatre department out as we speak.

Florida State University is cutting 2 theatre design programs and the Arts Education program. It is also requiring that the MFA in Acting program become self-sufficient (which is incredibly difficult for ANY theatre or arts department in this very tough economy!).

Through hearsay, I was recently yold that the Yale School of Drama may be facing a budget cut of 25%!

My own alma mater, the University of Washington Professional Actor Training Program, is facing budget cuts steep enough to force the department not to accept an incoming graduate class next year.

Good Lord, how can I find positivity amongst all this loss? I am an actress, a teacher, and a theatre-maker and I feel utterly helpless as I watch the arts in this country slowly get strangled out of existence.

Before I start getting the "why are the arts any more important than X, Y or Z??" questions, let me just say that I am very well aware that the arts are in the same boat as many other programs that are being affected by the financial crisis. I am sympathetic to all of it and I am not trying to say that the arts are any more important than the sciences, humanities, math, etc. I get it. We're all suffering.

However, let's be honest here; whenever there's a budget shortfall in any situation, the arts are usually one of the first ones to feel the effects.

Maybe it's because we're seen as a "luxury" or an expendable extra?

Maybe it's because people think that artists will do art for free because we have an overwhelming need to do it at any cost (which drives me CRAZY, but that's a whole other blog)?

Maybe it's because our country feels it's more important to keep up with China's math and science scores than it is to train our artists to further our understanding of humanity in subjects other than biology or physics?

Regardless of the reason, the fact is that the arts are sometimes viewed as the whiny, self-indulgent freaks of the global community when we ask for money. Aren't we supposed to THRIVE on pain and suffering? And, seriously, why do we need artists when we have so many high-caliber reality shows?

Yes, I am being facetious.

I can rant about this for days, so I'll get to my point: While I am very concerned for all aspects of our education system, I am truly frightened for the future of the arts in America. It's hard enough for artists to live- "starving artist" is no joke for many of us- but to have the space and mental focus to really create something meaningful in this world often requires support from one's community and, dare I say, government.

Would I rather a starving child be fed than get a grant to create a play? Of course I would. However, we cannot simply cut the arts out of budget as we would a designer purse or the yearly trip to the Bahamas.

But I digress. Seriously.

While our young artists may be denied an education that will help them explore and expand their artistic voices, the Great Recession could also bring some very necessary changes to our artistic community and society in general. As I try to find something positive in all this mess, I have come up with a few things:

- I've been looking at the Great Depression to follow the progression of the arts during that time. Incredible socially relevant pieces such as Waiting For Lefty , The Iceman Cometh and The Cradle Will Rock sprang from the social and economic unrest of the 1930's. These pieces are examples of how theatre reflected the struggles of American citizens and expressed the thoughts and feelings that so many could not. As unfortunate as it is, great art often does spring from great suffering. Perhaps we will see the same kind of amazing artistic creations come out of this current time of turmoil?

- I recently had a meeting with the head of the PATP at UW. He was interested in hearing a few ideas from alums that could help the department maintain its high standards of education amidst the mounting budget cuts to the school. I and three other alums discussed our views and concerns with him and left the meeting with a renewed sense of community. Could this possibly be an opportunity to make beneficial changes to the program itself? Could this be an opportunity to bring graduates from over the years together as a community? Although I fear for the future of my alma mater, I have to admit that I am excited by the possibility of what could come from pooling our resources together to face the mounting adversity.

- Unfortunately, I feel like much of the artistic expression I have seen in the last ten years has not lived up to the standards of the work I find so compelling. Throughout my teens and twenties, I watched my friends spend all their money on alcohol and clubs instead of theatres and museums (and I'll admit, I did quite a bit of that myself). Hollywood became so obsessed with money that our TV's shows were replaced with Reality Shows and movies became nothing more than a series of special effects thrown together around a ridiculous and often incoherent plot line. Broadway was a series of revivals and movie adaptations and music became nothing more than sex-fueled pop and bad attempts at grunge rock. I hate to admit it, but a little crisis might just be what our country really needed- within reason, of course. Already, I see the trend moving from "what sells" to "what's new and original". Even mainstream shows like American Idol are starting to take risks with talent that is outside the mainstream norm. Unless "different and unique" is becoming the new mainstream.

What if the loss of being "number 1" forces us to examine what's really important to us? Not just within the arts, but throughout society in general? People are obviously looking for a spiritual center (hence the recent boom in some churches and other religious institutions) and for me, that's my art. Art brings together a community of people to share in what could feasibly be called a spiritual experience. A group of people, all living in the same moment, sharing the same experience that focuses on what it means to be human. Art can bring many people of varying backgrounds together, as does adversity.

Check it: http://uwnews.org/uweek/article.aspx?id=56123

So I continue to be fearful- and hopeful. If we can get through this mess (and I am confident that we will), we could come out better for it... as long as we keep trying to make lemonade.