Ugh. What a week.
First off, there has been an absolute plague running through the cast over the last couple of weeks that has made progress very difficult. Luckily, we’ve been able to stay (mostly) on schedule but the overall energy has been frustrating. I came down with it last week and spent 5 days on the couch with Congestion and Fatigue as my steady companions. I hate those guys.
Then, after a trip to ye ole doctor, I finally gave in and agreed to go on the prescription thyroid meds since the natural stuff wasn’t helping my under-functioning gland. Possible side effects of said prescription? Heart palpitations, hair loss, anxiety and trouble sleeping… which sound worse than the symptoms I’ve been having without the meds.
Worst of all, it seems there’s been a recent rash of health problems and deaths amongst my friends, loved ones and their pets. No fun.
This is only my third post and I am already being very challenged to find positivity in all this. Buuuuut, here I go:
The Plague:
Sickness is usually a sign that we are not getting enough rest or taking care of ourselves. Although I hate getting sick, I value the reminder that I am human and not invincible. It can be humbling in a good way.
Also, I really needed some time spent at home. I’m at rehearsal every night and was starting to go crazy at work. Even though I worked from home for part of the time I was sick, I’d rather work on my couch in comfy clothes snuggling with my dog than be at the office (which is actually a cramped, cold basement with a utility sink, a micro-fridge and a microwave that’s older than I am).
Thyroid Troubles:
Although thyroid issues are no fun in any way, it was interesting to find out that extreme levels of stress make a thyroid condition worse since it is directly linked to your adrenal glands… which explains why I had weight gain, depression and skin problems in grad school and had started losing my hair. At least I know now that it wasn’t just part of “aging” (which is also not that fun).
On the bright side, maybe these meds will work without the side effects. Most of friends who take the same prescription- surprisingly, there are quite a few- said they had no problems. Maybe I’ll wake up in a month and suddenly have energy and clear skin without any chest pains or nervous breakdowns. Let’s hope, shall we?
Loss/Health issues of Loved Ones:
Now this is the thing that always gets me. How do you find warmth in such a cold subject?
Whenever I get faced with these issues, I always return to my experience in 2007. That was the year my mother became ill and I was engulfed in fear and anxiety. There was the fear of losing one of the people I loved most on this planet and then there was an even larger fear- the fear that I could lose any and everything at a moment’s notice.
On a logical level, I’ve always known this. But emotionally accepting it was a different story. When Hubby and I were arguing over his smoking before we got married, his response was always, “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so why bother to stop smoking?” To which I would respond, “Do you look both ways before you cross the street to avoid being hit by that bus? THAT’S why you should stop smoking.”
But he’s right. We never know what will happen to us on any given day.
Take the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile for example. Yes, being prepared by building quake-proof structures in a quake-prone area is a good idea. But when the Big One hits, there won’t a whole lot that anyone can do except kiss your butt goodbye.
So when Mama got sick, it was a sudden and stark reminder that I had no control over most of the shit that was going to happen to me or the people I cared about on any given day. For a control freak such as myself, this was a super scary fact to face.
However, over the months and weeks that we spent taking care of her and helping her get back to the land of the living, I saw some amazing things. I saw my parents communicate in ways I had never seen growing up. I saw them both realize each other’s worth and value more than they ever had, now faced with very different roles. I saw that Life had put both my parents and myself in a situation in which we were forced to reevaluate who we were as a family and as individuals. And I also saw our priorities shift away from sweating the “small stuff” into a larger view of what was real and important.
Maybe most of all, I really understood the power of reaching out for help. I literally emailed every person in my contact list and asked them to pray for my mother. The responses I received were amazing. People I hadn’t spoken to in years wrote me long letters of support and love; some had experienced similar situations and spoke about their journeys, some remembered meeting my mom once and sent their love, some just sent me a “chin up” email. I read every email and saved them. I’m not sure why, exactly. Maybe I just knew I’d need them some day or maybe just having them on file made me feel better.
My friends had houses of worship in literally every religion all over the country praying for Mama. She told me about a vision she had during chemo one day that she was drowning in an ocean and all of the sudden, a huge wave lifted her up to safety. She said she knew that wave was the prayers of all the people who were supporting us.
Some people probably found my openness about my mother’s illness to be “tacky” or TMI. I really couldn’t care less. It was an amazing journey for all of us and, while I don’t pretend that every case of serious illness is inspiring or remotely enjoyable, I value that experience of opening up to the other souls around me and receiving such love and generosity in return.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that, even in moments of extreme sorrow there is always something there that we can take away with us. Maybe it’s a sweet memory from the past or maybe a lesson we won’t realize until many years later. As schmaltzy as it sounds, sometimes tragedy can really make us appreciate our celebrations more than we would have ever expected.
Challenge: Conquered.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Making artistic lemonade
WTF is going on lately in our lovely little planet? Earthquakes and tsunamis and Health Care Bills, oh my! Not to mention that theatre, MFA programs and other arts institutions all over the country are being cut, put on hold or completely closed. Maybe that doesn't alarm everyone, but it certainly scares the bejezus out of me.
The National Theatre Conservatory is closing it's doors in 2012.
Washington State University is phasing its theatre department out as we speak.
Florida State University is cutting 2 theatre design programs and the Arts Education program. It is also requiring that the MFA in Acting program become self-sufficient (which is incredibly difficult for ANY theatre or arts department in this very tough economy!).
Through hearsay, I was recently yold that the Yale School of Drama may be facing a budget cut of 25%!
My own alma mater, the University of Washington Professional Actor Training Program, is facing budget cuts steep enough to force the department not to accept an incoming graduate class next year.
Good Lord, how can I find positivity amongst all this loss? I am an actress, a teacher, and a theatre-maker and I feel utterly helpless as I watch the arts in this country slowly get strangled out of existence.
Before I start getting the "why are the arts any more important than X, Y or Z??" questions, let me just say that I am very well aware that the arts are in the same boat as many other programs that are being affected by the financial crisis. I am sympathetic to all of it and I am not trying to say that the arts are any more important than the sciences, humanities, math, etc. I get it. We're all suffering.
However, let's be honest here; whenever there's a budget shortfall in any situation, the arts are usually one of the first ones to feel the effects.
Maybe it's because we're seen as a "luxury" or an expendable extra?
Maybe it's because people think that artists will do art for free because we have an overwhelming need to do it at any cost (which drives me CRAZY, but that's a whole other blog)?
Maybe it's because our country feels it's more important to keep up with China's math and science scores than it is to train our artists to further our understanding of humanity in subjects other than biology or physics?
Regardless of the reason, the fact is that the arts are sometimes viewed as the whiny, self-indulgent freaks of the global community when we ask for money. Aren't we supposed to THRIVE on pain and suffering? And, seriously, why do we need artists when we have so many high-caliber reality shows?
Yes, I am being facetious.
I can rant about this for days, so I'll get to my point: While I am very concerned for all aspects of our education system, I am truly frightened for the future of the arts in America. It's hard enough for artists to live- "starving artist" is no joke for many of us- but to have the space and mental focus to really create something meaningful in this world often requires support from one's community and, dare I say, government.
Would I rather a starving child be fed than get a grant to create a play? Of course I would. However, we cannot simply cut the arts out of budget as we would a designer purse or the yearly trip to the Bahamas.
But I digress. Seriously.
While our young artists may be denied an education that will help them explore and expand their artistic voices, the Great Recession could also bring some very necessary changes to our artistic community and society in general. As I try to find something positive in all this mess, I have come up with a few things:
- I've been looking at the Great Depression to follow the progression of the arts during that time. Incredible socially relevant pieces such as Waiting For Lefty , The Iceman Cometh and The Cradle Will Rock sprang from the social and economic unrest of the 1930's. These pieces are examples of how theatre reflected the struggles of American citizens and expressed the thoughts and feelings that so many could not. As unfortunate as it is, great art often does spring from great suffering. Perhaps we will see the same kind of amazing artistic creations come out of this current time of turmoil?
- I recently had a meeting with the head of the PATP at UW. He was interested in hearing a few ideas from alums that could help the department maintain its high standards of education amidst the mounting budget cuts to the school. I and three other alums discussed our views and concerns with him and left the meeting with a renewed sense of community. Could this possibly be an opportunity to make beneficial changes to the program itself? Could this be an opportunity to bring graduates from over the years together as a community? Although I fear for the future of my alma mater, I have to admit that I am excited by the possibility of what could come from pooling our resources together to face the mounting adversity.
- Unfortunately, I feel like much of the artistic expression I have seen in the last ten years has not lived up to the standards of the work I find so compelling. Throughout my teens and twenties, I watched my friends spend all their money on alcohol and clubs instead of theatres and museums (and I'll admit, I did quite a bit of that myself). Hollywood became so obsessed with money that our TV's shows were replaced with Reality Shows and movies became nothing more than a series of special effects thrown together around a ridiculous and often incoherent plot line. Broadway was a series of revivals and movie adaptations and music became nothing more than sex-fueled pop and bad attempts at grunge rock. I hate to admit it, but a little crisis might just be what our country really needed- within reason, of course. Already, I see the trend moving from "what sells" to "what's new and original". Even mainstream shows like American Idol are starting to take risks with talent that is outside the mainstream norm. Unless "different and unique" is becoming the new mainstream.
What if the loss of being "number 1" forces us to examine what's really important to us? Not just within the arts, but throughout society in general? People are obviously looking for a spiritual center (hence the recent boom in some churches and other religious institutions) and for me, that's my art. Art brings together a community of people to share in what could feasibly be called a spiritual experience. A group of people, all living in the same moment, sharing the same experience that focuses on what it means to be human. Art can bring many people of varying backgrounds together, as does adversity.
Check it: http://uwnews.org/uweek/article.aspx?id=56123
So I continue to be fearful- and hopeful. If we can get through this mess (and I am confident that we will), we could come out better for it... as long as we keep trying to make lemonade.
The National Theatre Conservatory is closing it's doors in 2012.
Washington State University is phasing its theatre department out as we speak.
Florida State University is cutting 2 theatre design programs and the Arts Education program. It is also requiring that the MFA in Acting program become self-sufficient (which is incredibly difficult for ANY theatre or arts department in this very tough economy!).
Through hearsay, I was recently yold that the Yale School of Drama may be facing a budget cut of 25%!
My own alma mater, the University of Washington Professional Actor Training Program, is facing budget cuts steep enough to force the department not to accept an incoming graduate class next year.
Good Lord, how can I find positivity amongst all this loss? I am an actress, a teacher, and a theatre-maker and I feel utterly helpless as I watch the arts in this country slowly get strangled out of existence.
Before I start getting the "why are the arts any more important than X, Y or Z??" questions, let me just say that I am very well aware that the arts are in the same boat as many other programs that are being affected by the financial crisis. I am sympathetic to all of it and I am not trying to say that the arts are any more important than the sciences, humanities, math, etc. I get it. We're all suffering.
However, let's be honest here; whenever there's a budget shortfall in any situation, the arts are usually one of the first ones to feel the effects.
Maybe it's because we're seen as a "luxury" or an expendable extra?
Maybe it's because people think that artists will do art for free because we have an overwhelming need to do it at any cost (which drives me CRAZY, but that's a whole other blog)?
Maybe it's because our country feels it's more important to keep up with China's math and science scores than it is to train our artists to further our understanding of humanity in subjects other than biology or physics?
Regardless of the reason, the fact is that the arts are sometimes viewed as the whiny, self-indulgent freaks of the global community when we ask for money. Aren't we supposed to THRIVE on pain and suffering? And, seriously, why do we need artists when we have so many high-caliber reality shows?
Yes, I am being facetious.
I can rant about this for days, so I'll get to my point: While I am very concerned for all aspects of our education system, I am truly frightened for the future of the arts in America. It's hard enough for artists to live- "starving artist" is no joke for many of us- but to have the space and mental focus to really create something meaningful in this world often requires support from one's community and, dare I say, government.
Would I rather a starving child be fed than get a grant to create a play? Of course I would. However, we cannot simply cut the arts out of budget as we would a designer purse or the yearly trip to the Bahamas.
But I digress. Seriously.
While our young artists may be denied an education that will help them explore and expand their artistic voices, the Great Recession could also bring some very necessary changes to our artistic community and society in general. As I try to find something positive in all this mess, I have come up with a few things:
- I've been looking at the Great Depression to follow the progression of the arts during that time. Incredible socially relevant pieces such as Waiting For Lefty , The Iceman Cometh and The Cradle Will Rock sprang from the social and economic unrest of the 1930's. These pieces are examples of how theatre reflected the struggles of American citizens and expressed the thoughts and feelings that so many could not. As unfortunate as it is, great art often does spring from great suffering. Perhaps we will see the same kind of amazing artistic creations come out of this current time of turmoil?
- I recently had a meeting with the head of the PATP at UW. He was interested in hearing a few ideas from alums that could help the department maintain its high standards of education amidst the mounting budget cuts to the school. I and three other alums discussed our views and concerns with him and left the meeting with a renewed sense of community. Could this possibly be an opportunity to make beneficial changes to the program itself? Could this be an opportunity to bring graduates from over the years together as a community? Although I fear for the future of my alma mater, I have to admit that I am excited by the possibility of what could come from pooling our resources together to face the mounting adversity.
- Unfortunately, I feel like much of the artistic expression I have seen in the last ten years has not lived up to the standards of the work I find so compelling. Throughout my teens and twenties, I watched my friends spend all their money on alcohol and clubs instead of theatres and museums (and I'll admit, I did quite a bit of that myself). Hollywood became so obsessed with money that our TV's shows were replaced with Reality Shows and movies became nothing more than a series of special effects thrown together around a ridiculous and often incoherent plot line. Broadway was a series of revivals and movie adaptations and music became nothing more than sex-fueled pop and bad attempts at grunge rock. I hate to admit it, but a little crisis might just be what our country really needed- within reason, of course. Already, I see the trend moving from "what sells" to "what's new and original". Even mainstream shows like American Idol are starting to take risks with talent that is outside the mainstream norm. Unless "different and unique" is becoming the new mainstream.
What if the loss of being "number 1" forces us to examine what's really important to us? Not just within the arts, but throughout society in general? People are obviously looking for a spiritual center (hence the recent boom in some churches and other religious institutions) and for me, that's my art. Art brings together a community of people to share in what could feasibly be called a spiritual experience. A group of people, all living in the same moment, sharing the same experience that focuses on what it means to be human. Art can bring many people of varying backgrounds together, as does adversity.
Check it: http://uwnews.org/uweek/article.aspx?id=56123
So I continue to be fearful- and hopeful. If we can get through this mess (and I am confident that we will), we could come out better for it... as long as we keep trying to make lemonade.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
