This one is always the most challenging...

Ugh. What a week.

First off, there has been an absolute plague running through the cast over the last couple of weeks that has made progress very difficult. Luckily, we’ve been able to stay (mostly) on schedule but the overall energy has been frustrating. I came down with it last week and spent 5 days on the couch with Congestion and Fatigue as my steady companions. I hate those guys.

Then, after a trip to ye ole doctor, I finally gave in and agreed to go on the prescription thyroid meds since the natural stuff wasn’t helping my under-functioning gland. Possible side effects of said prescription? Heart palpitations, hair loss, anxiety and trouble sleeping… which sound worse than the symptoms I’ve been having without the meds.

Worst of all, it seems there’s been a recent rash of health problems and deaths amongst my friends, loved ones and their pets. No fun.

This is only my third post and I am already being very challenged to find positivity in all this. Buuuuut, here I go:

The Plague:
Sickness is usually a sign that we are not getting enough rest or taking care of ourselves. Although I hate getting sick, I value the reminder that I am human and not invincible. It can be humbling in a good way.

Also, I really needed some time spent at home. I’m at rehearsal every night and was starting to go crazy at work. Even though I worked from home for part of the time I was sick, I’d rather work on my couch in comfy clothes snuggling with my dog than be at the office (which is actually a cramped, cold basement with a utility sink, a micro-fridge and a microwave that’s older than I am).

Thyroid Troubles:
Although thyroid issues are no fun in any way, it was interesting to find out that extreme levels of stress make a thyroid condition worse since it is directly linked to your adrenal glands… which explains why I had weight gain, depression and skin problems in grad school and had started losing my hair. At least I know now that it wasn’t just part of “aging” (which is also not that fun).

On the bright side, maybe these meds will work without the side effects. Most of friends who take the same prescription- surprisingly, there are quite a few- said they had no problems. Maybe I’ll wake up in a month and suddenly have energy and clear skin without any chest pains or nervous breakdowns. Let’s hope, shall we?

Loss/Health issues of Loved Ones:
Now this is the thing that always gets me. How do you find warmth in such a cold subject?

Whenever I get faced with these issues, I always return to my experience in 2007. That was the year my mother became ill and I was engulfed in fear and anxiety. There was the fear of losing one of the people I loved most on this planet and then there was an even larger fear- the fear that I could lose any and everything at a moment’s notice.

On a logical level, I’ve always known this. But emotionally accepting it was a different story. When Hubby and I were arguing over his smoking before we got married, his response was always, “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so why bother to stop smoking?” To which I would respond, “Do you look both ways before you cross the street to avoid being hit by that bus? THAT’S why you should stop smoking.”

But he’s right. We never know what will happen to us on any given day.

Take the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile for example. Yes, being prepared by building quake-proof structures in a quake-prone area is a good idea. But when the Big One hits, there won’t a whole lot that anyone can do except kiss your butt goodbye.

So when Mama got sick, it was a sudden and stark reminder that I had no control over most of the shit that was going to happen to me or the people I cared about on any given day. For a control freak such as myself, this was a super scary fact to face.

However, over the months and weeks that we spent taking care of her and helping her get back to the land of the living, I saw some amazing things. I saw my parents communicate in ways I had never seen growing up. I saw them both realize each other’s worth and value more than they ever had, now faced with very different roles. I saw that Life had put both my parents and myself in a situation in which we were forced to reevaluate who we were as a family and as individuals. And I also saw our priorities shift away from sweating the “small stuff” into a larger view of what was real and important.

Maybe most of all, I really understood the power of reaching out for help. I literally emailed every person in my contact list and asked them to pray for my mother. The responses I received were amazing. People I hadn’t spoken to in years wrote me long letters of support and love; some had experienced similar situations and spoke about their journeys, some remembered meeting my mom once and sent their love, some just sent me a “chin up” email. I read every email and saved them. I’m not sure why, exactly. Maybe I just knew I’d need them some day or maybe just having them on file made me feel better.

My friends had houses of worship in literally every religion all over the country praying for Mama. She told me about a vision she had during chemo one day that she was drowning in an ocean and all of the sudden, a huge wave lifted her up to safety. She said she knew that wave was the prayers of all the people who were supporting us.

Some people probably found my openness about my mother’s illness to be “tacky” or TMI. I really couldn’t care less. It was an amazing journey for all of us and, while I don’t pretend that every case of serious illness is inspiring or remotely enjoyable, I value that experience of opening up to the other souls around me and receiving such love and generosity in return.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that, even in moments of extreme sorrow there is always something there that we can take away with us. Maybe it’s a sweet memory from the past or maybe a lesson we won’t realize until many years later. As schmaltzy as it sounds, sometimes tragedy can really make us appreciate our celebrations more than we would have ever expected.

Challenge: Conquered.